Monday, January 10, 2011

The Darrin Stephens Syndrome

What is the "Darrin Stephen's Syndrome" you may ask? I first wrote about this problem in my book Natural Witchery. Basically it is the phenomena that occurs when the spouse of a Witch finds it embarrasing/ uncomfortable or inconvienent to be married to a Witch... Unless they need something.
Just like the character Darrin in the classic television show Bewitched.

You know how this goes.... "Oh sure honey, I don't mind you being a Witch. Let's just not tell anybody about it."  As in-- don't wear, or say, or do anything that could possibly make folks think you might be different. Please keep your "colorful" friends quiet when they are at the house or better yet, please don't do ritual out in the yard during daylight hours.

Now there is just this one thing... I really dont mean to encourage you... this will just be our little secret... but do you think you could cast a spell for me for: a job, a raise, a new car, so my boss will get off my back, etc.....

This syndrome can also apply to relatives too. Not just spouses. Over the years I have been hit with the "Do you think you could do a spell to help me with...." Selling the house quickly, boosting my chances of fertility, finding a good romantic partner, yadda, yadda, yadda...

Or worse if the Witch casts a helpful spell for thier spouse/ family member and then the spouse/ family member is pissy about the results, or the speed of the results. Or questions the results. I have even heard of the recipients of the spells who will then sneer at their partner/ relative and make fun of them for having tried (at their very own request) in the first place.

Why it's not like they needed any magickal help... they can get that job, raise, promotion, and sold that house in less than 2 weeks, etc... all on their own. They were just humoring the Witch after all...
Can we say "Hypocrite"?



I get asked about this situation a lot. Best advice I can give you here is this:  Never offer to do magick for them again. And I do mean never. This is a tough situation, because now you have hurt feelings and are also dealing with betrayal. So don't make it so easy for these folks to approach you and then to request magick in the future.

Also stop volunteering to do magick for them. Which is hard, as most Witches want to help their friends and loved ones. Its a reflex. We want to help so we start thinking spells. Witches like to fix problems, to comfort, to heal and to give advice. So with that being said, allow me to give you some hard earned advice here.

You are NOT the equivalent of a magickal drive thru window. Just because someone asks for a spell, does not mean you have to say yes. (Just say "No" to Spell-Beggars!) Start asking what their motivations are and why they are really coming to you....
Most importantly learn to embrace the phrase, "Allow me to dissapoint you." It is a powerful one.

Set some healthy boundaries my Witch friends. And. Stick. To. Them.

Otherwise you are going to start feeling like Endora and wondering how you can make them miserable with the very magick they have made fun of.... Mwha ha ha.
Blessed be, Ellen

4 comments:

  1. WONDERFUL topic! I'll bet a LOT of us can relate; I know I can. With acqaintences who know I'm a Witch but don't believe it's real, I've "Been there, done that". My spells have had the desired results, but doesn't it just gall you when they ask for help after laughing you off? I think I'll just say no the next time one of the "non-believers" asks me to cast one for them! ;-D

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  2. Hell, my husband is the same way, only he knows better than to sneer - can you say frying pan - no seriously, he doesn't sneer - to my face - and I like it that way. But when he does tell me about certain issues that will have an effect on the family, monetarily or otherwise, I give a little majickal push. So when things happens, he doesn't even ask. Now, he may look at me wondering, but he never asks, which suits me just fine.

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